Family

Welcome to this week’s edition of “Dr.’s Note”. I’m Dr. J.J. James.

Today we will dive into the conditions inmates face while incarcerated dealing with family. Our guest will be a 40 year old man we will call “ C.J.” Here is his story.-

I grew up in Laredo. I live with both my parents. We were always a close family even throughout our family struggles.

When I got arrested in 2021, my family was devastated.

My mother had been diagnosed with schizophrenia years before my incarceration. Therefore, we as a family decided to tell her I was in boot camp. I talk to her weekly, but she still is not aware of where I am.

Talking to my mother by phone weekly makes me feel like a disappointment. I let her down. I feel like a failure as a son.

Despite her mental disorder, she was always concerned about her children. Knowing we were safe brought her comfort. It saved her mind when medication would fail. I can no longer offer her this reassurance that brings her peace. In fact, I fear I may lose her during this absence.

I visited my mother at least monthly in person while living hours away. Now it’s been 3 years. I feel as if I’m dead to her now due to the separation. This prison is like purgatory.

My dad and I talk weekly. I respect him so much. He still supports me and we talk openly. He’s described that he cries almost daily, because of the separation. We’ve never been away like this. It’s taken a toll on us both.

When I was arrested my son was only 30 months old. I was with him daily. I raised him. He made me realize the beauty of being a father and the joy it brings.

We’d go on walks to the lake. We’d explore through the woods. We felt free. I saw his mind and personality being molded into this amazing little human being.

I haven’t seen him in 4 years now. It’s been the greatest tragedy I’ve ever experienced. It feels like losing a child. I have no idea if this only son of mine even remembers me.

I now value family much more. This separation has pushed me to desire to grow and live for them. It may sound like a proverb, but family is all we have in the end. I’ve learned that family isn’t to be taken for granted.

I realize families are doing time along side us. That’s the punishment… I didn’t know it until the day I got arrested. I saw the tears and pain in my sister’s eyes. I couldn’t console my father as he cried over early phone calls. I couldn’t do a thing to help. I couldn’t change their circumstances.

I have been in contact with family by letter and phone. I’ve received photos.

During calls, I try to keep them positive. I play the family therapist and allow the to release their emotions they deal with due to my incarceration. It helps them, but often leaves me feeling heartbroken.

I do my best to stay positive, because I’m useless to my family otherwise. I have nothing to offer physically. I can only offer emotional support. Therefore, my job daily is to remain levelheaded, despite my chaotic circumstances.

This prison is full of the most selfish people on the planet. Most criminals were only thinking of ourselves when we committed crimes. My eyes are open to that now. I can’t allow this environment to keep me from being there for my family even on the limited basis I can be.

This is an example of how families can be destroyed behind incarceration in a small amount of time. Imagine families that endure this separation for years and even decades. Some travel hundreds of miles within the state of Texas just to visit loved ones a few hours. Others aren’t fortunate enough to be able to visit.

I believe the prison system should make it easier for families to stay in contact with inmates. My parents are elderly and have difficulty with the complex process of registration for phone call. There’s now a complex process to write letters.

Our families are struggling. We inmates must be that ray of hope to them.

-I’d like to thank C.J. and our readers for viewing today’s blog.