C.J.

In today’s edition we will talk with a past guest, C.J. Let’s take a more in depth look at his situation. Here is C.J. in his own words:

*When I think about how I viewed prisoners before my incarceration, the words “ troubled souls” comes to mind. You really don’t think about prison much until you’re here.

If I’m being honest, I thought inmates were monsters. I’m in that category now. Yet, we are still human beings and are prone to error.

There are differences between prisoners here. There are guys who come here multiple times and never desire to change. Then there are people who come once and change for the better.

You’d be surprised by the amount of people who come and change in positive ways. Some find God. Some get a GED and go on to attend college. A few even became doctors. Others become “ jailhouse lawyers “ , helping other inmates with legal matters. Our prison system in America is still a form of punishment. It is a harsh punishment, but it is slowly improving.

They say we are here for rehabilitation. Today there are many self improvement programs, college courses, vocational trades and ministries that are available to us. These help with rehabilitation, but the inmates must take the initiative.

Some choose to spend their day slamming dominoes, doing drugs ( which are plentiful) or watching TV. There are over 100 prisons in Texas. Many are filled with violence. There is a gangster mentality within the system. Many try to hold others back from improving themselves. They want to hold on to that old life instead of changing to a lifestyle they don’t understand or have never experienced.

My view coming in was fearful. I could get murdered or assaulted. I never know if that day may come… Prison still reflects our society on the outside as far as crime rates. It still is going on in here. It is just at a higher scale by percentage.

My time here has made me stronger. I have a more hopeful and positive outlook on life. I was hurting around the time of my arrest. Many of those hurts have been healed during this journey. I have a resolve to live a full life now and no longer contemplate suicide.

This time of imprisonment has taught me to appreciate freedom and the liberty to accomplish what I choose in this life.

I’ll be leaving prison soon and I have a full range of emotions about that. Perseverance comes to mind. I want to better myself everyday with this opportunity of new found freedom.

See prison has the ability to change you for the better or worse. You have no choice. Prison will make you better or worse, but you will not be the same person who entered.

Prison also changes your family view. Before prison, I took their presence in my life for granted. I’m sincerely hoping both my parents, who are in their 60’s, remain alive until my release. That was not a concern of mine before. Now it is an everyday thought. You never know when you may lose someone you cherish.

As I said in the first interview, my mother does not know I’m in prison. I do plan to tell her where I have been. My dad has to agree to this though. We’ve agree to protect her peace of mind. We feel if I wait to tell her in person, her mind would be more at ease afterward about the situation. Then I can answer any questions she may have.

I do fear my mother being upset because, although I am lying to her… telling her in person should override her worries. I’m hoping her being able to see and hold me will help her accept this and know I’m safe. I can’t tell her until I can comfort her. I know my mother. Telling her now would be a worse outcome. It could trigger a psychotic episode.

I can admit that most mothers would not agree with this plan. Yet, I feel for her well being, I can’t compromise her current belief. She may very well already have an idea of where I am anyway. Mothers tend to have an intuition. She is also very intelligent.*

I’d like to thanks my guest C.J. I’d like to thank you for stopping by too.